The pervasive idealization of the traditional nuclear family in Germany is creating unnecessary pressures and potentially hindering the well-being of children navigating increasingly diverse family structures, according to Vienna-based sociologist Ulrike Zartler. Zartler’s comments, published in “Der Spiegel”, critique the practice of joint Christmas celebrations in blended families, arguing they can perpetuate unrealistic hopes of parental reconciliation within children of divorced parents.
“Many children from separated families would most prefer to celebrate Christmas with both parents together” Zartler stated. However, she cautioned that such gatherings can inadvertently fuel “reconciliation fantasies” that persist long after the initial separation, impacting the children’s emotional development and acceptance of their new family realities. She advocates for a shift in focus, suggesting that divorced parents prioritize consistent, shared participation in the children’s daily lives-school plays, sporting events-even amidst ongoing conflicts. “It sends a vital message: both parents still love you and you are entitled to love both of them” she explained.
Zartler’s perspective arrives against a backdrop of historical context, explored by historian Inken Schmidt-Voges, who highlights the fact that blended families were historically prevalent. Prior to the relatively recent rise of the “bourgeois core family” model, early deaths and remarriage were commonplace, frequently resulting in children belonging to multiple household units. Zartler argues this core family ideal is an “eyelash in the history of humanity” yet remains firmly entrenched in German culture.
This ingrained preference manifests in various societal sectors, acting as a subtle but systemic bias. From political campaign imagery to advertising and public policy, the image of the traditional family is consistently reinforced – often to the detriment of those who don’t fit that mold. Incentives such as parental allowances, tax brackets, housing benefits and holiday packages often disproportionately favor families consisting of a mother, father and two biological children, effectively marginalizing alternative family configurations.
Federal Family Minister Karin Prien (CDU) acknowledged the potential for blended families to provide stable environments for children, while her ministry maintains a support platform for families undergoing separation. However, critics argue that such initiatives fall short of addressing the underlying systemic issues that perpetuate the dominance of the traditional family ideal and the ensuing pressures on those who deviate. The continued reinforcement of a narrow definition of “strong families” risks reinforcing societal expectations and potentially creating a climate of inadequacy for children growing up in non-traditional households, demanding a more nuanced and inclusive approach to family policy and cultural representation.
